Why is it so easy to go to the dark side?

We are wired to view the negative. For centuries our brains have been trained to protect us by identifying hazards, risks and to dwell on the negative. It’s tied to the evolution of survival. However, by focusing on the negative, the lens we use to view ourselves and our environment is trained to discount or overlook the positive.

Research has shown that this “negative bias” can have a wide variety of effects on how we think, respond, and feel.

Case in point, I am working with an incredible individual that is transitioning out of the U.S. Special Operations Forces with an amazing story of self-sacrifice and service. Yet, when we were reviewing their strengths, they went right to the negative aspects of those strengths, totally discounting all the positives they bring to the team. I totally concur that an over utilized strength is a blind spot. The same as it is to underutilize that same strength when it is needed the most. The trick is to learn when to dial up our strengths and when to dial them back; the self-awareness of what is needed in the moment.

What could it feel like having a negative bias?

When we looked at the strengths together, here is a small portion of what they shared with me from their negative lens:

I see myself as being rude, short, tough, never satisfied with the answer, and asking too many questions.

I can jump to quick decisions, be closed minded and struggle with getting people to understand my thinking.

I can be perceived as unbalanced, I overcommit and can’t say no, I burn the candle at both ends and I am seen as too concentrated on my career.

Here is what they overlooked:

Thinks things through, smart, logical, deep, thorough, comfortable with numbers, figures and charts.

Anticipates alternatives, intuitive, sees different paths, makes connections.

Tireless with a strong work ethic, leads by example, and a real go-getter.

How to retrain our brains?

Social psychologist Roy Baumeister shares that we can take a hint from the movie Pollyanna- “it’s good to take a moment to stop, breathe and consider the positive side”.

Some people have found that journaling about something positive each day is a way to start reframing.

Others have found that saying something positive out loud works for them, such as:

Today, I find this ________ beautiful, I’m grateful for ________, or I really appreciate _________

Celebrate your daily victories (especially with your favorite happy dance).

Sometimes a quick walk, jog, or a few quick stretches help to distract us and provide time to reframe.

If you become self-aware of your negative bias, reach out to someone to support you to reframe and retrain your brain. If you happen to lead someone with a negative bias, how can you support them? If your leader has a negative bias, what can you do to support their growth and reduce your stress?

Enjoy your journey.

Grow your business and people together.